Gender: social construction:: Sex: ?

We are categorized before we're even born. Biological sex is an immediate outward appearance that, as a determinant, will rule us (or attempt to do so) for the rest of our lives.


Pop quiz: What's the first question we ask an expecting mother?
Answer: Are you having a boy or a girl? (Unless we first ask "How far along are you?" as an opener, which is rare.)
Not, "Is your baby healthy?"or "How are you coping?"

We want immediate categorization, immediate relief from the unknown. We want to have our own voyeuristic pleasure in planning the baby's future. "Boy, you say? Oh, I'm sure he'll make a great doctor like his father."

I used to think parents were strange if they refused to want to know the sex of their baby before it is born. I thought, "How on Earth will they prepare?" What I was really thinking: "They need to know what color clothes to buy, what sort of toys...."

Even if parents want to be surprised until birth day, the delivery nurse will ascertain any suspicions, proudly proclaiming, "It's a boy/girl!" after labor.

In the case of hermaphroditic children, chances are the docs will push the parents to 'choose' their child's sex, as if this will have a concrete effect on their gender as well. "Well we have always wanted a girl, so..." Snip! And does this mean the parents have always wanted a female child or a child who 'acts' female? Or both?

Similarly, I've been in the following situation a number of times: I'll see a cute baby and want to, for lack of a better word, congratulate its mother. (The more I think about this, the more disgusted I am at myself.) In essence, I want to say, "Oh, parent, what a good procreative job you've done. What a service to this world. Your child is so physically attractive."
(On the same terms, if the baby is repulsive looking, I uncannily have no inclination to remind the parent.)

So. Cute baby. Must tell mom or dad. But I'm not sure of the sex. The child is wearing no pink, no blue, has no little baseball cap on, or overalls, the child's hair is not curled or in pigtails. It's just an 'it'. But that's so informal. So impersonal.

"So, uh, is that a boy or a girl?" Not exactly what a parent wants to hear. 'Isn't it obvious, you dolt?? After nine months of gestation and sleepless nights once the baby was finally out, you greet me with that?'

Lemme break it down: a child 'without' a sex is almost not a person anymore. It's a sexless object, of which the idea is nearly frightening. The parent would be ashamed if I asked or showed any indication of not being sure to which sexual category their child belonged. And where does said shame come from? From the need to belong. Even if it's to a feloniously constructed paradigm.

Gender is socially constructed and, because certain genders are paired with certain sexes (heteronormatively speaking), sex is also gendered.